Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
