I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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