whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just pynch a tree in the face
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
