Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
