You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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