can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
