she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
