I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
