My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
