Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
