you turned your livingroom into a bong?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
