$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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