Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
