So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
