Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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