Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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