Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
