I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
