i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
