how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
