brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
