just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
