Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
