just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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