Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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