Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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