the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
