We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
