I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
sex in a hospital.. check
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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