I just pynch a tree in the face
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize