It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
