I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
