i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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