Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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