its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
