Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
