I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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