I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
