how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
