I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
