the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
