please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
