I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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