I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just had sex on a roof
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
