Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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