Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize