He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
