I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
