Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
