I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Randomize
