I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
