Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
