I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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