I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
