The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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