Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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