Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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