I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
