my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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