New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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