i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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