i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
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