also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Randomize
