Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
