Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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