I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
