"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
