I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize