i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize