yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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