the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
