My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
worst night to have a conscience
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
