Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
