your room smells of hookers.
And success
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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