i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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