I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
