i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
