Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
