If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
