But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
