next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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