so that wasnt chicken after all
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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