I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
